What happens now

Step 2 of 6 · Within a few hours

Someone takes them into their care

The body has to be moved from where the death happened to somewhere it can be cared for — almost always a funeral home, sometimes the county medical examiner first.

If a medical examiner is involved, they take custody before anyone else, and the timing stops being yours. That is normal in unexpected, unattended, or accidental deaths, and it is not a sign anything is wrong. Ask when they expect to release the body; that date is what every other plan will end up built around.

Otherwise, this is the point where you name a funeral home — and it is the only real decision in the first day. It is also more reversible than it feels: choosing a home to transport and hold someone does not commit you to buying a funeral from them, and you can move to a different home later if you want to, though you may be charged for the transfer already done.

• Muslim: Ghusl, the ritual washing, is performed by same-gender family or trained community members. Ask the funeral home whether they have a space for it, or whether it will happen at the mosque instead — and tell them you are declining embalming.
• Jewish: Tahara is performed by the chevra kadisha, and shmirah means the body is accompanied until burial. Ask the funeral home to coordinate with your chevra kadisha directly, and tell them you are declining embalming.
• Orthodox Christian: The body is traditionally washed and dressed, and an open-casket viewing with the Trisagion is common. If there will be a delay before the service, ask the funeral home what that means for preparation.
• Buddhist: If your tradition asks for the body to be left undisturbed, or for chanting before it is moved, tell the funeral home when you call — transfer is usually the first thing they do.
• Sikh: The family typically washes and dresses the body, including the articles of faith. Ask whether the funeral home permits family preparation on site.

• What to ask when you call a funeral home

Step 3 of 6 · Usually the next day

Sitting down to make the arrangements

This is the meeting where the funeral is actually decided: what happens, when, and what it costs. It is also where most of the money is committed, so it is worth going in knowing what you are entitled to.

By federal law, a funeral home must give you a printed, itemised price list when you sit down with them, and must answer your price questions over the phone before you ever get there. You may buy only the items you want — you do not have to take a package. You may decline embalming; it is very rarely required. You may supply a casket bought somewhere else, and they cannot charge you a fee for handling it.

You do not have to settle everything in this one meeting. Take the price list home if you want to. Bring someone with you who is not as close to the death as you are, and let them be the one asking about money.

• Muslim: Tell them you plan to use kafan — simple white shrouding — rather than a casket, and ask what the cemetery requires, since some require a casket or outer container regardless. Ask whether they can arrange a plot in a Muslim section, positioned toward Mecca.
• Jewish: Ask for a plain wooden casket with no metal, and confirm burial in a Jewish cemetery or section. Ask them to coordinate timing with your synagogue.
• Catholic: The parish and the funeral home coordinate the vigil, the funeral Mass, and the committal between them. Cremation is permitted, but the ashes are to be interred in a cemetery or columbarium rather than scattered or kept at home — tell the funeral home if you are choosing cremation so the interment is planned for.
• Protestant: The service can be at your church or in the funeral home’s own chapel, and either burial or cremation is fine. Ask which they will coordinate with your minister.
• Orthodox Christian: The funeral service is held at the church, and cremation is not permitted. The parish priest usually sets the schedule, and the funeral home works to it.
• Buddhist: Ask for time and a quiet space for chanting before the cremation, and whether a monk or teacher can attend.
• Sikh: Ask whether the family can be present at the cremation, and whether there is space for Ardas and Kirtan Sohila.
• No religious tradition: Nothing here has to involve a religious element, and a celebration of life does not have to be held at the funeral home at all — you can use them only for the disposition and hold the gathering yourself, whenever you are ready.

• The questions worth asking, as a call script
• Your rights under the FTC Funeral Rule
• Paying for a funeral: the real options

Step 4 of 6 · The first few days

The paperwork that has to happen

Two documents do most of the work, and the funeral home normally handles both. The death certificate is signed by the doctor or medical examiner and filed with the county or state. The burial-transit permit is the authorisation to bury or cremate, and it is the one that actually gates the funeral — nothing can be buried or cremated without it.

Order certified copies of the death certificate while you are at it, and order more than feels reasonable. Ten to fifteen is normal: banks, insurers, Social Security, pensions, the DMV, and the title on a house or car each want their own, and going back for more later is slower than it sounds.

If a medical examiner is involved, everything here waits on their clearance. That is the single most common reason a funeral gets pushed back, and it is nobody at the funeral home’s doing.

• Muslim: For a next-day burial, the permit is the real bottleneck — not the funeral home’s schedule. Ask them directly whether they can file same-day, and check whether the county office is open: a death on a Friday or before a holiday is the usual reason a prompt burial slips.
• Jewish: Same as above: the permit, not the funeral home, is what usually delays a prompt burial. Ask whether they can file same-day, and whether the county office will be open.
• Sikh: Cremation usually needs the permit plus, in many places, a medical examiner sign-off, which can add a day. Ask about it early.

Step 5 of 6 · Once the permit clears

Burial or cremation

This is the part most families have already decided long before anyone asks them, either because the person said what they wanted or because their tradition answers it.

For burial, the cost you are quoted by the funeral home is not the whole cost: the cemetery charges separately for the plot, for opening and closing the grave, and usually for a vault or grave liner. That vault requirement is the cemetery’s own rule, not a law, and it varies between cemeteries — ask before you buy the plot.

For cremation, you do not need a casket. Crematories require a rigid, combustible container, which is far cheaper, and you can rent a casket for a viewing beforehand if you want one. You can also hold any kind of service before or after the cremation, or none.

Whole-body donation to a medical school is a third option, usually at little or no cost to the family, with the ashes returned afterwards. It has to be arranged directly with the programme, and not every death is eligible.

• Muslim: Burial in the ground, with the grave positioned toward Mecca where the cemetery permits. Cremation is not practised.
• Jewish: Burial. Cremation is traditionally not practised, though this varies between movements.
• Catholic: Either, but if you choose cremation the ashes are to be interred in a cemetery or columbarium — not divided among family, scattered, or kept at home.
• Orthodox Christian: Burial. Cremation is not permitted in Orthodox practice.
• Buddhist: Cremation in most traditions, sometimes timed to fall within the tradition’s own observance period.
• Sikh: Cremation, with the ashes typically immersed in flowing water. Monuments and gravestones are traditionally not used.
• No religious tradition: Any option, with no requirement attached — including whole-body donation.

Step 6 of 6 · Ongoing

The weeks after

Notify Social Security (the funeral home often reports the death, but confirm it rather than assume), the person’s bank and pension, any life insurer, and their employer. If they were a veteran, their DD Form 214 unlocks both burial benefits and a headstone or marker — those are two separate allowances, and families routinely claim only the first.

Close or memorialise accounts when you have the energy for it, not before. Almost none of this has a deadline that matters in the first month, whatever the tone of the letters suggests.

The part nobody schedules is the grief. It does not follow the same order as the paperwork, and it does not finish when the paperwork does.

• Muslim: A mourning period of three days is customary; a widow observes a longer iddah of about four months and ten days.
• Jewish: Shiva is observed for seven days, shloshim for thirty, and the first year is marked in its own way. The community will normally organise meals and a minyan without being asked.
• Catholic: A memorial Mass may be offered later, and many families mark a month’s mind.
• Orthodox Christian: Memorial prayers are traditionally offered at three, nine, and forty days, and again at one year.
• Buddhist: Memorial observances are often held at seven-day intervals, up to forty-nine days.
• Sikh: A Sahaj Paath, a complete reading of the Guru Granth Sahib, is often completed within about ten days, ending with Bhog and Ardas.

• Benefits, allowances, and help with cost